I made a promise to my girlfriend to make sure that I will change myself proactively and to do that, I acknowledged all the issues I had and had to stop lying to myself.
When I reached home, I got scolded by my dad when i told him that my light was spoilt. Then i got scolded for coming home late with the car and bring the chamomile tea from dinner up. My dad is getting angrier and angrier and finding new things to scold me by the day because im jobless. And im doing nothing by playing video games and watching videos all day. I admit, I havent been looking at jobs much mainly because the job market aint great and im super afraid of rejection but I should just apply and try my luck right?
I sometimes always feel that theres always a big difference in a boomer mindset and a millenial mindset. I feel like my parents pressuring me to get a job is one thing, but they don’t know how hard the job market is like now currently, especially for someone like me doing arts and animation. Housing is expensive, job security is low, barrier for entry for jobs is so high and the choice of jobs I have isnt much. I dont want the passion for my craft sucked out of me but at the same time if i dont find a job soon every day of my life at home is going to be a living hell. Plus money of course. I wish there was more understanding in my family and my parents would actually listen to me once in a while instead of insisting that their way is always right.
This comes down to my lack of self confidence. I have super low self esteem. Its something ive been dealing with for a while now and right now its getting in my way of the job hunt. My parents always insulting me and scolding me is not making my life easier. At this point of time, i feel like i will never get my dream job or even an entry job at ubisoft. The feeling sucks when you worked so hard in Uni only to have it all be not applicable and useless once you get out in the market. I’m struggling to cope with this transitional period but all my parents are doing isnt helping me either. Id wish they would for once just understand that I have issues instead of assuming I’m this or I’m that. This dumb asian culture that asian families dont talk about their feelings is damaging me on the inside and I’m really looking for a chance to escape it the moment i can, start a different life with my girlfriend and foster a kinder and more understanding household.
I’ve been relying on my girlfriend too much as an emotional support and also been lashing out at her in explosive outbursts. This is as much damaging to her as it is to me. I should figure out a way to process the much deep seated resentment and doubts in me into something healthier.
Chicken Rice Jia Fan 